Glentress - The day we Mastered the Berm

Bank Holiday weekend and we were off to Bonny Scotland in search of gnarly single track. Friday night saw the gang descend on Peebles from far-flung corners of the earth - some even jetting in from Chamonix for the occasion. Last orders at the pub and we went in search of our B&B's. Liz had already checked out every room and gave us a low down - but didn't really let us know how low we would go at Whitestone House with Mrs. Mwuirgggghhhh (subsequently referred to as Mrs. M). On arrival at Whitestone all was calm - but not for long. On checking out the rooms, it looked like someone had the details wrong - no one said there were children arriving but the Z-bed in the boy's room had a plastic sheet on it and Steve was the lucky recipient. A battle ensued as the bed was demolished and rebuilt. Kate and Judith also had their fair share of challenges - a double bed with a single sheet - we won't go into too many details there! Calm was about to rule when there was a commotion on the landing - upon investigation 3 elderly ladies in brushed nylon nighties plus Mrs M (even older) were found flitting around on the landing whispering without their hearing aids looking for the loo and the light switch. The scene was too surreal - they didn't even see us - and Mrs M didn't even welcome us!

Saturday dawned and we were eager to hit the trails but not until we had had a hearty breakfast. No problem for the gang at Rowanbrae where Scarlet O'Hara was tending to their every need - even allowing them to make our sandwiches for the day - what happened to the tuna Nic? Scarlet wasn't even put off when Pete tried to acquire that extra 'Je ne sais quoi' by spilling a bowl of marmalade down his shorts. Back at Whitestone we were downing our breakfast - or were we trying to keep it down? Mrs.M's speciality was deep-frying - everything. And then the ladies from Liverpool arrived - Phyll and friends. The main woman (loudest voice) appeared to have had an accident. It could have been a fast descent on the black run but more likely a nasty run in with the Stanna chair lift - leaving her with a nasty gash and delightful open wound above the eye - just what you need to keep down a medium rare porker! Then we had a request for Weetabix at which point Mrs. M advised us that muesli was just the same! I could go on but I know you want to know about the riding! After some tremendous faffing - mainly adjusting Pete's new Rocky Mountain (that's a bike by the way and not one of Pete's endearing features) we made it to Glentress. There we met up with Paul, Sue, Kevin and Andy who had driven up for the day and were keen to hit the black run. We were looking for some switch backs down hill but got more than we bargained for as we zig-zagged uphill on and on and on and.....Some hours later and the single track had taken it's toll - all but Nic and Paul had had a close encounter with the rough stuff - we hadn't quite mastered the berms. Crash of the day went to Steve - doing a bit of free-riding off a bridge - nice landing! Dave managed to wreck his bike - or was he just trying to get a free push home to get tea and scones?! After that it was time to hit the pub and curry house - traditional Scottish fayre. Having eaten far too much it was decided to have a little cocktail to help digest the chillies. Unfortunately the hostelry we visited was out of all good liqueurs and it was time to invent a cocktail. The Berm Master - don't ask what's in it - was born. It just turns your teeth and tongue green very quickly - Nic was delighted to be a recipient and it tipped Greg off his tee-total stool - much to his regret later in the evening! After that Anne Marie got carried off to bed and some of the gang visited a decidedly dodgy bar- pyjama parties, porn stars and all.

Sunday dawned and it was time to check out the red and blue runs. Stomachs lined with more of Mrs. M's grease and packs full of sandwiches, we hit the trails again. Lots more whooping and we were well in control of those berms. Shame the same couldn't be said about the badgers - they were all over the place - hanging around on every bit of trail - jumping out when you least suspected and unsettling the whole crew! Things only improved after Paul and Pete had rummaged around in the undergrowth. Crash of the day again went to Steve as he tried to take poll position from Nic. Crossing the muddy track it all went horribly wrong, losing some skin and gaining some mud. All Mrs. M could say was 'You're not coming in the house like that' and handed him a bucket and scrubbing brush for some light exfoliation. It was then down to the park to dispel the rumours that girls can't throw with the help of Tunnock's tea cakes - they go much further if you scrunch them up in the wrapper! It all ended badly though with Kate gaining a new look from 'There's something about Mary' - marshmallow does wonders for hairstyling - but the chocolate doesn't.

The Italian restaurant was the venue for the evening. Once all the knickerbockerglories had been demolished Liz and Pete were presented with their respective engagement presents. Congratulations to Peter who has recently become engaged to Rosie and also Lizzie who got engaged to Simon earlier in the year. If you want Pete's story just make sure you are prepared for ALL of the photos and a very intriguing story!! After that we invaded one of the local pubs and, as usual, made our own entertainment. Decidedly dodgy tracks from the juke box, even more dodgy singing and dancing ensued. Greg took the Stage II Salsa class leading on from where we left off in Wales - I do hope he was pleased with the progress. Even more impressive was 'Oops upside your head' - the locals, sorry local, loved it.

As Monday dawned we were off to an even slower start than normal - the only person who was sprightly was Mrs. M - no doubt delighted to see the back of us. Liz and Greg decided to take their leave early so we were down to 9. Half an hour later and we were down to 8 as Kate took the sun-bathing option. For our finale we did a combination of all 3 runs as the sun beat down - I told you we were guaranteed sunshine. Just because Nic is too fit, some evil people decided to fill her rucksack with stones while she was 'making like a wind turbine' (one of the hazards of the job). After a couple of miles she was asked why she looked so tired - perhaps she was weighed down somewhere! Fall of the day went to Kev - walking across a bridge - maybe it was time to go home.

All in all the weekend was a great success and I'm pleased to say that Kev and Pete seem to have cemented the relationship they formed during the Polaris - only thing is they don't want to talk about it - perhaps Lizzie's photos will help.

Conversation of the weekend - where are the seeds in a banana?

Top tip of the weekend - belonged to Pete and therefore can't be mentioned as this is a family publication.

Joke of the weekend - did you hear about Viagra eye drops - they make you look really hard.

That'll be the berms mastered - what next?

Judith - let someone else arrange the accommodation next time (go for Rowanbrae if you want lavish - Whitestone for hard core entertainment).

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Glentress - The day we Mastered the Berm

Judith Wox